My littlest one is just over 1 now. A boy. Sweet, happy, and like most of my babies not very good at sleeping through the night. He still gets up once or twice a night to eat. Ravenous. Almost desperate for milk and then goes immediately back to sleep. They’ve all done this and thankfully most of them nursed! So we’d spend that middle of the night time snuggling, sleeping and nursing in a twilight state of bliss. Not this baby. He doesn’t nurse. Never has. Seven babies and this one would not nurse. I always have some difficulties getting my babies to nurse, but they always do eventually. Except him. You just never know what life will bring.
So I have pumped for 14 months and gotten donations from a dear, generous, gracious friend with an abundance to fill in the gaps. All this to say – it’s been long. I never imagined I’d be pumping this long or that he wouldn’t ever nurse. I didn’t envision the nighttime feedings being all bottles and no twilight, sleepy snuggling where I don’t have to fully wake up and pour things, wash things, pump things! It’s been harder than normal. But, I’m thankful. I have milk. And a friend with more milk. A healthy, happy, beautiful baby who has gotten my milk all this time though not the way I dreamed.
Last night, at 2 a.m. I was up with my little man. He was ravenous as usual. I fed him, burped him and he snuggled in and fell asleep on me. I stayed like this awhile before laying him back down to sleep. He’s so sweet and sleepy, happy, warm. The smell of a baby’s head and their warm breath is distinct and priceless.
I remember, when I was a new mother, older mothers saying they did things like this. It seemed almost silly. I was so tired then (Ha!). I had so much to do if the baby was asleep. But now I understand. The moments are passing quickly. The babies have grown into young men, boys, little girls and even this little one so big, mobile, talking and growing so fast!
I took a few moments to stop and smell the roses. Sleep can wait. Dishes, laundry and everything else can wait. This sweet, little man asleep in my arms is a moment that I need to linger over and cherish. His smell, his breath, his fat little fingers curled up on me. . .sweet delight. Far better than the fragrance of any flower. Pure, heavenly delight right here in my life if only I take the time to stop and enjoy what’s there before me.